ChatGPT Is Hilarious

by Peter Clarke

Bad news, humor writers. You’ve been replaced. ChatGPT, the chatbot from OpenAI, is officially capable to writing funny prose.

Naturally this was the first question on my mind when I heard about ChatGPT. Sure it can write vapid blog posts and even code, but can it make me laugh?

I had a few false starts. The chatbot responds to boring prompts with equally boring results. It’s not going to be funny unless you’re funny first. But after a few tries, this happened:

Prompt: Write an advertisement for women's lingerie in the voice of a pirate.

Ahoy mateys! Are ye lookin' to add some spice to yer love life? Look no further than our fine selection of women's lingerie! From sultry lace corsets to daring fishnet teddies, we've got it all to set yer heart a-racin' and yer partner swoonin'. And with our unbeatable prices, ye won't have to plunder yer treasure chest to afford it. So don't be a scallywag, visit our shop today and find the perfect lingerie to make yer nights on the high seas that much more thrilling. Arrrr!

That’s the trick: to find a “voice” for the chatbot to write in. Sadly, the ChatGPT rejects any prompt that’s even vaguely inappropriate, so you can’t get too edgy with it. Many of my best prompts were rejected. No doubt there will be an R-rated chatbot popping up soon. Until then, here are a few other G-rated chatbot responses that made me laugh:

Prompt: Write dialogue for a cowboy who falls in love with the rattlesnake he finds hiding in his old boots.

Cowboy: Well, I'll be darned. Look at that little fella curled up in my boot. Ain't you the cutest thing I ever did see.

Rattlesnake: Hisssss.

Cowboy: Oh, don't be scared now. I ain't gonna hurt you.

Rattlesnake: Hisssss.

Cowboy: You know, I've always been a bit of a loner out here on the range. Ain't had much luck with the ladies. But there's just something about you that's got me all aflutter.

Rattlesnake: Hisssss.

Cowboy: I know you might be a bit nervous about all this, but I promise I'll take good care of you. We can go on adventures and explore the wide open spaces together.

Rattlesnake: Hisssss.

Cowboy: I know it might seem strange to some folks, but I can't help the way I feel. You're the only critter that's ever made me feel alive.

Rattlesnake: Hisssss.

Cowboy: So what do you say, little buddy? Wanna give this thing a try with me?

Rattlesnake: Hisssss.

Cowboy: I'll take that as a yes. Welcome to the family, partner.

Prompt: Write a rant by a construction worker using unusual curse words as he fails to hammer a nail into a wall.

Ah, fiddlesticks! This damn nail just won't go in. I swear on my mother's grave, if I have to hammer this stupid thing one more time, I'm going to lose my flaming mind.

Why can't these walls just cooperate for once? It's like they're intentionally trying to thwart my every move. It's a frickin' conspiracy, I tell you.

I bet if I had a magic hammer, this would be a piece of cake. But no, I have to deal with this piece of crap hammer that keeps slipping out of my hand.

This is bulldung. I'm going to have to get out the electric drill and make a hole for this damn nail. And then I'm going to have to fill it in with putty and sand it down so it looks like it was never there in the first place.

Goddamnit. I hate my job sometimes.

Beyond giving ChatGPT a funny voice, it’s also humorous to prompt the chatbot to give a sincere response to a ridiculous prompt. Here are a few examples:

Prompt: Write seven tenets for a new religion that worships clowns, garbage, and candy.

1.     Clowns are the embodiment of joy and laughter, and are to be revered as holy beings.

2.     Garbage is a symbol of abundance and is to be treated with respect and reverence.

3.     Candy is a symbol of sweetness and indulgence, and is to be consumed in moderation as a source of spiritual nourishment.

4.     The art of clowning is a sacred practice, and is to be celebrated and nurtured within our community.

5.     The collection and proper disposal of garbage is a sacred duty, and is to be carried out with care and reverence.

6.     The enjoyment of candy is a sacred ritual, and is to be performed with gratitude and joy.

7.     The clown is a messenger of love and joy, and is to be welcomed and honored wherever they may be found.

Prompt: Make up a reason why Donatello was Abraham Lincoln's favorite Ninja Turtle.

One possible reason why Donatello was Abraham Lincoln's favorite Ninja Turtle is because of their shared love of knowledge and innovation. As President, Lincoln was known for his passion for learning and his keen intellect, and he often sought out new ideas and ways of thinking to help guide his decisions. Similarly, Donatello is the smartest and most technologically advanced of the Ninja Turtles, constantly working on new gadgets and inventions to help the team in their battles against evil. Lincoln and Donatello both value intelligence and innovation, and their shared love of knowledge likely made them fast friends.

I’ll end with a love letter. This one reveals the limits of the chatbot’s creativity. It also shows how important the prompt is. A less than perfectly-phrased prompt is likely to achieve less than amazing results. Still, even this made me laugh.

Prompt: Say "banana" ten times in a 100-word letter to a lover lost at sea.

My dearest love,

As I write this letter, I cannot help but think of you and the sweet, sweet taste of your lips on mine. I long for the day when we can be together again, laughing and playing and enjoying life to the fullest.

But until then, I will hold on to the memories we have made and the dreams we have shared. And I will keep saying your name, over and over and over again, like a mantra to keep you close to my heart.

Banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana.

Please know that you are always on my mind and in my prayers. I pray for your safe return and for the day when we can be reunited.

Until then, I will hold on to the memories we have made and the dreams we have shared. And I will keep saying your name, over and over and over again, like a mantra to keep you close to my heart.

Banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana, banana.

Yours always,

[Your Name]

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Peter Clarke is the editor-in-chief of Jokes Review. He’s the author of the comic novels Politicians Are Superheroes and The Singularity Survival Guide. Follow him on Twitter @HeyPeterClarke.