by Richard LeBlond
I posted the following in Facebook about this latest gift of aging:
“Does anyone else have this problem? My teeth have started squeaking. I’m thinking of replacing the olive oil in my salad with WD-40.”
...and got the following responses:
Catherine: “Mine squeak too, Richard!”
Alan: “Are you eating cheese curds?”
Me: “No, but do they cause your teeth to squeak? Or are they a cure? Maybe it's my latest addiction, Tillamook extra sharp white cheddar.”
Catherine: “Curds are VERY squeaky!!”
Me: “Other than cottage cheese, the only curds I’m familiar with are those in traditional Quebecois poutine. That must be a very noisy province. My great great grandfather LeBlond, a Frenchman to the core, was so disgusted by the dish that he left Quebec for the States.”
Carol Ann sent a link to an article by “squeak-freak” about the squeakiness that occurs during the making of cheddar cheeses.
Me: “Thank you for turning this into a scholarly discourse. I have just learned that squeaky curds develop during the early stages of ‘cheddaring’ in the making of cheddar cheese. So maybe the Tillamook folks have figured a way to make the squeak last longer in extra sharp white, without requiring – and I’m quoting the scholarly source – ‘re-squeak-ification.’ I hope someone else will test this hypothesis.”
Keren: “At least you have your teeth.”
Me: “Sort of ... they're mostly crowns. And they're the ones doing the squeaking.”
Me next day: “Had my first salad with WD-40 in place of olive oil for my squeaky teeth. Not bad – reminded me of the smell in my old ‘48 Chevy.”
Me day after that: “For all you other sufferers of STD – no, not that one, the other one: Squeaky Tooth Disorder – so far I have identified the following pathogens: cheddar cheese, feta cheese, cashews, vitamin gummies and walnuts. Eat them at your peril. (p.s. Ear plugs only make it worse.)”
Richard LeBlond is the author of Homesick for Nowhere, a collection of essays that won an EastOver Press Nonfiction Prize in 2022, and was a finalist for general nonfiction in the Spring 2023 San Francisco Book Festival. His essays and photographs have appeared in many U.S. and international journals, including Montreal Review, Weber – The Contemporary West, Concis, Lowestoft Chronicle, Trampset, and Still Point Arts Quarterly. His work has been nominated for “Best American Travel Writing” and “Best of the Net.”